Reading Between the Lines

Tone in a written document is vital making sure what you say is what you mean. In a face to face conversation a person can pick up on the other person's body language and actual tone of voice. With writing, we have no such luxuries. The following is an email I received in my spam box. I have removed the names and contact information.


FROM THE DESK OF
THE EXECUTIVE GOVERNOR OF RESERVERED BANK
HEAD OFFICE PRETORIA SOUTH AFRICA
DIRECT PHONE LINE:

EMAIL:

IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT.CONTRACT:MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/009 We apologies, for the delay of your payment and all the inconveniences and inflict that we might have indulge you through. However, we were having some minor problems with our payment system, which is inexplicable, and have held us stranded and indolent, not having the aspiration to devote our 100% assiduity in accrediting foreign contract Payments. We apologies once again.

From the records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the federal government of south africa your name and Company was discovered as next on the list of the Outstanding contractors who have not yet received their payments.

I wish to inform you now that the square peg is now in square whole and can be voguish for that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from my record in my file your outstanding contract payment is us $65,700,000.00 (sixty-five million seven hundred thousand United States dollars).

Kindly re-confirm to me the followings:
1) your full name.
2) Phone, fax and mobile #.
3) Company name, position and address:
4) Profession, age and marital status.
5) A scanned copy of Work ID/Int'l passport.

As soon as this information is received, your payment will be made to you in a certified bank draft or wired to your nominated bank account directly from Reserve bank of south africa .

you can also call me on my direct number : as soon as you receive this letter for further discussion, do get back to me on this email

Thanks for your good understanding, hope to have your response shortly.

YOURS SINCERELY,

Executive Governor
REserved bank of south africa
direct line:


While I'm well aware this is a poorly disguised attempt to get my important information, I'll just be analyzing the tone of this email. I'll even do my best to ignore the poor grammar... "We apologies"? Egad...

The email starts out practically shouting at your face in all capitals "IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT." This reminds me of a town crier shouting out the news headlines, either way it's annoying. From there we see a very apologetic paragraph about a "minor" problem with their payment system ($65 million is minor?!?).

Moving a paragraph down we see "I wish to inform you now that the square peg is now in square whole and can be voguish for that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter." We see here a passive voice, bordering on meek, somewhat ruined by an improper use of "whole" and "voguish." I find it odd that the amount supposedly owed to me is mentioned as almost a side note, "Also note that..."

So, poor grammar aside, the email as a whole is quite apologetic. Which is to be expected if someone owed such a ridiculous sum of money.